The park felt good to Paul, basking on a bench beneath the shade of a large oak, thin beams of the suns light specking the grass and concrete walkway. He took a deep breath savoring crisp clean air and sighed. It had been a long time since he felt so relaxed, a sense of purpose that had disappeared some time ago after his breakup from Pam.
Pam\u2026
Somehow, he still felt things could have been better, things might have been different if she had not been so\u2026so\u2026hard on him.
He could still see her, feel her warm delicate hands clasped tight in his; eyes bright as a beacon that shone whenever he looked at her, blue and full of passion.
No, it had to end, he couldn\u2019t take the mind-games she would play, tension and finally a furious disagreement that drove him away.
That was several years past six to be exact, and still Paul did not resume his dating life. Oh, there were a few other women but none like Pam; the woman who hurt him deeply, who left a cold dark void in his heart.
Paul found himself leaning back arms spread wide along the top of the bench with eyes closed. He wouldn\u2019t drift back into that dark place again. She was gone, gone and he was\u2014
\u201cPaul?\u201d called a voice. It sounded familiar, so familiar that his stomach tightened. His eyes opened slowly and then turned to see who it was who called him. A sharp gasp brought him straight up.
It was Pam.
Paul sat speechless staring at Pam. She had not changed much, still the petite attractive woman who had been such a part of his life. She looked great, dressed in a simple white blouse and bright blue skirt, black rounded flats on her small feet. A complete vision of beauty, and a sight drawing painful memories back to mind.
Her doleful eyes stared back and him and he relaxed, finding his breath once again.
\u201cPam,\u201d he said levelly.
A slight smirk formed, Pam looking confused. It appeared she too was feeling some pain but something else was written in her eyes. She took a short glance past the bench then sat down.
\u201cSo, how have you been?\u201d she asked.
\u201cI was doing fine\u2026then,\u201d replied Paul.
His coolness irked Pam, but she remained rooted on the bench almost as if she was daring him to leave as he would when they were at odds.
Her head shook lightly. \u201cStill Paul,\u201d she continued looking him over behind a hard gaze.
\u201cYep, I\u2019m still me. Paul the Great.\u201d
She let out a short derisive huff. \u201cThe Great, eh? No change, all about you still, is it?\u201d
\u201cWhat did you come here to start another argument?\u201d snapped Paul, shifting to face her.
\u201cNo\u2014\u201d she paused again cutting her eyes briefly at something just past them before continuing, \u201cI was out waling and really didn\u2019t expect you to be here.\u201d
\u201cIt\u2019s a free park, remember?\u201d
\u201cOh, I remember.\u201d
Paul felt a tinge of anger rush to his face. Here she was again, deriding me. Making me feel like dirt. Well, I\u2019m not going to stand for that again.
\u201cI suppose you remember too how your actions broke us up, hm?\u201d
Pam started looking shocked at him. Here eyes blinked rapidly before she suddenly began to laugh, head tipping back up towards the sky.
It irked Paul. \u201cStop that,\u201d he said.
She did, facing him. \u201cYou really think it was me that blew up our relationship, Paul?\u201d
\u201cYou can\u2019t say otherwise, Pam!\u201d
Pam\u2019s lips pursed tight. She gripped at the hem of her dress, taking a few more glances over his shoulder.
\u201cIt was always about you, Paul,\u201d she said, \u201cAlways you, always Paul and his wants, always\u2026Paul.\u201d
\u201cThat\u2019s not true!\u201d shouted Paul. He flinched ducking his head looking around at the people milling about. He leaned closer to Pam, \u201cI was always for you, Pam. Everything I did. Our apartment, our life\u2014\u201d
\u201cYour life, your rules, your way. Never did you really take notice of me, Paul.\u201d
Sadness filled her eyes, and she hung her head fighting back tears that wanted to gush forth. Paul hoped Pam did not start crying and cause a scene. He really did not want to have to endure the questioning gazes of onlookers, or worse some Joe got-a-be trying to play hero.
\u201cI\u2019ve always noticed you, Pam. I loved you.\u201d
\u201cReally?\u201d
She cut her gaze away again and Paul frowned. \u201cWhat are you looking at?\u201d he asked turning.
There was a small play area where a group of toddlers were running about climbing over jungle gyms, swinging or sliding all under the close eyes of several park monitors.
\u201cWe did love each other,\u201d continued Pam drawing him back, \u201cbut it became apparent that you only regarded me as some trophy to be there to cook, clean and please the \u2018Great Paul\u2019.\u201d
\u201cThat\u2019s not true, Pam. You were the one who started to change.\u201d
\u201cSee, you didn\u2019t even notice me then. You didn\u2019t even wonder or ask how I was doing\u2026feeling.\u201d
He shrugged. \u201cI thought it was a woman thing; you know? I just felt you didn\u2019t want to be with me and well felt it best to break it off.\u201d
Pam started incredulously at him. She rolled her eyes and slid closer to him. \u201cAll about you. Never a question about me. What I felt.\u201d She shook her head. \u201cNope, Paul above all\u2026I hurt your feelings? More like your ego.\u201d
\u201cHey,\u201d he snapped, but she cut him off.
\u201cWhat was it about, our last argument?\u201d
He couldn\u2019t forget that, and Paul stiffened as his mind recalled the event. \u201cYou forgot to get me a birthday present,\u201d he finally replied.
A knowing smile curled across Pam\u2019s face and at that moment Paul began to realize what she was saying. More thoughts came to mind, days locked in digital combat with his buds online, how he got angry when she asked him to take her out disrupting whatever he was doing, something he felt was more important. Even their moments of intimacy, his way always, no room for discussion.
\u201cWell,\u201d he began then sighed, \u201cI guess I could have been more sensitive to you.\u201d
The steady gaze from her made Paul feel uncomfortable. He shifted, turning back around and stared out across the park. \u201cYou still didn\u2019t get me a birthday present,\u201d he muttered low.
The press of her body against his felt good much to Paul\u2019s surprise. Feeling more like a heel than \u2018Paul the Great\u2019, he was not ready to admit the shortcomings.
\u201cYou\u2019re wrong about that, Paul,\u201d she whispered close to an ear.
Now why would she say something like that, he wondered.
Pam drew up on her knees and called out towards the children in the playground. A five-year-old girl hustled out from amidst the children. She had a bright smile on her face as she trundled across the lawn coming around to climb up into Pam\u2019s lap. The child giggled as her mother hugged her tight, planting a kiss on top of her small forehead.
Slowly, Paul\u2019s eyes went wide then Pam and the child stared at him.
\u201cHappy Birthday, Paul,\u201d said Pam.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The park felt good to Paul, basking on a bench beneath the shade of a large oak, thin beams of the suns light specking the grass and concrete walkway. He took a deep breath savoring crisp clean air and sighed. … Continue reading