{"id":3260,"date":"2026-02-06T03:57:30","date_gmt":"2026-02-06T03:57:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/self-editing.com\/?p=3260"},"modified":"2026-02-06T03:57:30","modified_gmt":"2026-02-06T03:57:30","slug":"lesson-13-alarming","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/self-editing.com\/?p=3260","title":{"rendered":"Lesson 13 Alarming"},"content":{"rendered":"An alarm. Is that what it is? A constant, monotonous beep, beep, beep. I reach my hand out to find my phone. What\u2019s wrong with my eyes? Why won\u2019t they open? What time is it? My hands reach up to touch my eyes \u2013 they\u2019re swollen, closed. I can\u2019t open them. The beeping \u2013 what the hell is that beeping. I can hear voices around me, but I can\u2019t get any words to come out.
\u2018Her sats are dropping\u2026\u2019 \u2018Hold up on the morphine, she\u2019s already compromised.\u2019
The voices start to sound more and more distant. Other voices come forward.
\u2018Annie, Annie sweetheart\u2026 when are you going to tidy your room? Honestly, you won\u2019t have a mum to tidy up after you when you are off at college.\u2019 \u2018Mum, just leave it. I didn\u2019t ask you to tidy up after me.\u2019 I kiss her forehead and wave her goodbye as I see myself, my whole life packed into my first car \u2013 a 58 Morris Minor, heading off down the road. Graeme asks me if I want him to drive.
\u2018No, I\u2019m ok\u2026 why don\u2019t you pick some music?\u2019
Meatloaf, Bat out of Hell. Cranked up to maximum volume \u2013 the little Morris shakes. We\u2019re lying in bed, mist still blanketing the valley. Why did we ever leave there? I could have stayed in his arms that way for eternity, but he let me go. Said I had too much to do to stay there with him. And I did.
I\u2019m in Ethiopia with my team from the NGO. I can taste the honey pancakes cooked on the roadside on those little brassieres, feel the rumble of our transport heading out along the bumpy gravel roads. Megan\u2019s touch confuses and excites me. She is fascinating. Intelligent, and strong. Nothing fazes her, not even when a group start firing their kalishnikovs into the air. She grabs my hand to steady me.
Our lives become enmeshed and I was certain this would be the person I would grow old with. I can\u2019t hear her voice though, I can\u2019t remember what it sounds like. Why not?
\u2018I won\u2019t be coming with you, this time. I won\u2019t be coming with you anymore.\u2019 I was throwing the last of my things into my travel bag, not focused on what was being said until it was out there, hanging over me like a guillotine ready to drop. \u2018What do you mean? You coming on a later flight?\u2019 \u2018I\u2019m not coming, \u2026 at all. I\u2019m saying goodbye.\u2019
That bloody alarm again. Someone shut off that bloody alarm. I can\u2019t hear her. I can\u2019t hear her. What is she saying?
\u2018Stay with us, Annie. You\u2019re safe here. I\u2019m with you now.\u2019
Not a voice in my semi-conscious state. A voice in the room with me that I never thought I would hear again. My eyes still won\u2019t open, but now I find my voice.
\u2018Get out. Get her out of here,\u2019 I scream, in my head at least. What comes out is strangled and soft, but it\u2019s enough for the nurse to ask Megan to leave. ","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"