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The dining room table was beautifully set; a gorgeous Christmas flower arrangement graced the center of the table with an elegant matching red and green tablecloth and napkin ensemble. I was glad to be home, it had been a while since my last visit, it was wonderful for my mom to plan a family dinner on my first night visiting. All my siblings had the night free, this was a rarity, I thought maybe the snowstorm would change some plans, but it had not, all were in attendance. It felt good to be together as a family. Everyone had smiles when they first sat down but soon frowns and furrowed brows were their expression. Mom did it again, before the main course had even rounded the table. She asked about my husband’s whereabouts and without waiting for an answer she began making accusations about where she thought he was or what he was possibly doing. I was speechless and stunned, I sat listening but not really hearing her. “Why did she not like him, why did she feel the need to talk poorly about him, why did she do this my first night home”. The trouble was my dad did not tell her to stop and neither did any of my siblings. I was crushed and needed fresh air, I ended to the front door, grabbed my coat, slid on my boots and left, heading into the blowing snow and freezing air of a Minnesota winter.
It was a dark and stormy night; I was home alone. I usually felt comfortable in my own home at night even while it stormed. But not tonight, I had an eerie sensation. Why was I on edge, why does my skin feel crawly, I know something isn’t right. The dogs were jumpy too, they usually laid down after I fed them but tonight, they were pacing the kitchen. I’ll check the locks; this will help my sense of security. Each door and window were already locked, garage door was closed, the security system was armed, the outside light was on, I could think of nothing else to do to strengthen my fortress. Often my imagination would go wild, and I would conjure up worse case scenarios. A load clash of thunder seemed to echo throughout my house; I think something fell in the basement in sync with the thunder. Someone is in my basement, I was sure of it, do I send the dogs downstairs alone, do I leave the house and call for help, why didn’t I spend my time conjuring up ways to come up with solutions to worst case scenario. The dogs were on alert and standing by the basement door, I opened the door and let them charge downstairs. Was that a smart thing to do, what if my dogs got hurt, this is the worse night of my life. There was a ruckus occurring downstairs, barking and banging over the furniture, but no human screams. Then quiet, the dogs headed up the stairs, frothing at their mouths, panting, wide eyed and feral. Lightning lit up the house, I glanced downstairs and saw a body. It was still, head bent off to the side, not breathing. My dogs had killed; they were my protectors that night. On a stair lay the warm body of a rabbit, this was my intruder, the disturbance of my night, the unsettling object of conscience. I now can relax and enjoy my evening at home, but first the dogs deserved a treat for being my savior.
‘Really Sam, that sounds awful. I can’t imagine working all those hours.’ Josie gulped a mouthful of wine and ignored the puzzled look in her friend’s eyes.
‘Oh, I don’t mind. It doesn’t feel like work, does it when you are doing something you’re passionate about does it?’ Sam replied picking up her glass of iced water. ‘You should know that. You were so set on that law firm in the last years of college we hardly saw you.’
‘Yes, of course, but balance is so important.’ Josie forced a smile. None of her friends knew what had taken up so much of her time that year, how lucky they’d been to only worry about their future careers. ‘How is Petriov? How does he cope with never seeing you? Miss, work all hours.’
‘Oh, you didn’t know? We’ve moved in together, that way we get to see each other more ‘ Sam waved her fork of green beans. ‘He’s such a love and he understands about my work hours. He brings me meals when I have to work late, and he listens, really listens to me.’ Sam smiled her dreamy smile and Josie stiffened.
She did know about Sam’s perfect life. The one she’d dreamed of her for herself but lost because of one stupid mistake.
Nancy studied the room carefully, seeing a dozen people standing, holding drinks and chatting fervently at the party. Celebrating Max’s brother’s birthday with balloons, stacked presents, cake being cut and handed out. Caleb is twenty-seven today. There, behind the balloons, Estelle was with Nancy’s boyfriend Max, sitting together on the couch, “Again, bitch!” she thought. “The third time in the past week, I thought she was my friend. Staring at the promise ring on her finger, “How can Max resist her, low cut tops and girly makeup, laughing at his jokes.”
Estelle saw her chance. After giving Caleb his birthday kiss, she moved in on Max. She knew how to turn it on when she needed to, and she really needed to now. “The job opening at Max’s company is perfect for me. More money and I get to be closer to Nancy and Max” she thought. Max is management and knows the inner circle at the company. Greeting Max with what she believed was a friendly, professional hug, she seated herself and opened with, “ Tell me more about the awesome opening for lead Analyst?”
Damn, where’s my knife? Where’s my knife! Jose screamed it inside his head, his throbbing, still drunken head. The noises came from the back door downstairs, three hard kicks. Now movement in the kitchen. They’re searching, maybe for booze or money? Not the Johnnie Walker Black Label! A birthday gift from dad, he’d roll over in his grave if I lost it. Keep still, count how many of them there are. Should I call the cops? No, they’ll hear me talking. And I’ll never be able to explain it to Lizzie, the best ex ever until the shit hits the fan. No, keep quiet until they leave, they will leave.
Ethan’s suitcase lay open on his bed, taunting him. Next to it, clean clothes piled like mountains to climb. His hands shook with anger. You’d think he could control this constant feeling, it had been with him for weeks, months. Bubbling, boiling under his skin.
‘Ethan, are you packed yet?’ His mum called up the stairs. ‘We have to leave in thirty minutes. And don’t forget to take that pen knife from your pocket, they will take it from you at the airport and throw it away.’
He slammed his door shut and clutched the knife in its sheath in his pocket. He pulled it out and slammed it onto his table. Ethan didn’t know why he kept it with him. A gift from his traitorous dad.
‘No, no, no.’
With each no he chose a pile of clothes and flung it across his room. He kicked and stamped and crumpled every item his mum had carefully prepared. Pants hung from his now lopsided light shade, socks clung to the books on his shelves, t-shirts cowered in the corners, a jumper smothered his summer campaign notes. He dragged it off and tore the paper into shreds that littered his room like white dead flies. This summer was going to be the best, the reward for staying calm while his dad tore their family apart, the reward for keeping his sister occupied, for letting her cry on his fav t-shirt, even letting her help him create his character for the six week dice adventure game he was going to play with his friends. He’d planned out this summer perfectly. His first summer as a teenager with the freedom he thought he’d have. Raye was going to a summer camp, and he was going to enjoy a quite house where he could read without Raye annoying him, a mega campaign of adventure, swimming at the open-air pool, and enjoy just messing around in the park with his friends.
‘Ethan, what have you done?’ Raye peered around his bedroom door.
And there she was, his little sister, ready to go, all packed, and he was having a toddler tantrum. Way to go, Ethan.
She was running late, she knew she should have tired on her outfit she intended to wear to lunch, yesterday. She wished she had bought something new, but she had promised her husband she wouldn’t spend any more money on clothes for the rest of the year. At least Julia had never seen this outfit on her before, it had been way too many years since they had got together. The restaurant was coming up on the left-hand side, she hoped that there would be an easy pull in spot, she hated parallel parking, her car was so big and hard to maneuver into tight spots. She wished they could get a new car, one that parallel parked on its own, that wasn’t in the budget either. As she neared the restaurant, she began to feel anxious, she hadn’t seen Julia in years, what would she look like, what was she doing with her time now that the kids were out of the house? She would find out soon enough.
She entered the brightly colored lunch spot that Julia had recommended, she had never been here before. It was very chic looking, and she felt a little out of place. She saw Julia waving her over, she noticed Julia had put on some weight over the years, and she had stopped coloring her hair, it made her look older. They exchanged hugs and greetings while they found their places at the table. Both appeared generally pleased to see each other, I was first to begin the interrogation, “So tell me what you have been up to, it’s been so long”. Julia smiled and stated she was retired, had been for a year, her husband had retired just a few months ago. I was so envious internally but on the outside, I cringed, “you must get bored with each other”. “I don’t think I will ever retire, I get so much satisfaction out of working, what do you do with all your spare time?” I inquired. Julia went on to list her different volunteer activities. I was impressed but didn’t want her to think I would rather volunteer than work, “all that must give you the purpose you miss from not working, I’m sure it helps keep your mind stimulate too”.
I had been avoiding and dreading the topic of children and grandchildren but of course, Julia brought it up. She said they had 4 grandkids all from their oldest daughter, the other 2 kids were married but hadn’t given them any grandkids yet but she expected they would all want big families. I couldn’t believe it, how was I going to spin it to make my 2 unmarried kids look good, I smiled and asked to see photos to stall so I could come up with something to say to not make my kids appear like losers. I regretted agreeing to this lunch, it wasn’t fun, it was torture. She asked again if I had any grandkids, I reluctantly said not yet, my kids were so busy with their jobs and traveling and loving life they hadn’t slowed down enough to think about marriage or family. There wasn’t a complete lie, but I did exaggerate a bit. Both of my beloved offspring were back living at home and working dead end jobs and not dating. I couldn’t let her feel smug over me,” Julia that must be exhausting for you, I really wouldn’t even have time to be a grandma, with work and our social events and traveling, it’s difficult to see our kids let alone take on being Grandparents. I just don’t feel I am old enough for that role, but good for you”.
I didn’t think lunch could get any worse, but it did. Julia and her husband had sold their big suburbia home and where now “living their dream” at their lake home. I hoped my jealousy was not evident on my face, I couldn’t believe it, they were so fortunate. “I could never leave our house, it’s home, it’s where we raised our kids, there are so many memories, I just would never” I lied.
I finished my salad and waiting until Julia finished her sandwich, I really thought she would be counting carbs looking like she did. We split the check and I noticed she had a Louis Vuitton wallet; those are expensive. I felt like I had to say something, I commented on it and replied that I avoid designer bags, I like to buy second hand, it’s more sustainable. I felt like I won that round.
We walked together to the door, we hugged again, we both agreed it had been too long since we had seen each other, I smiled and nodded my head in agreement. I felt obligated to say it, “Let’s do this again really soon”. It was her turn to smile and nod in agreement. I turned and headed towards my car and thought, “Never Again”.
Lesson 22
It’s A Man’s Life
With housework done, she sat at the kitchen table. Afternoons should be her time. Writing wasn’t a just a hobby it was her passion.
“You going to sit there all evening, or are we going to get some tea on that table” He had just come in from work. Old fashioned views. Good little woman in the kitchen cooking not messing around on the computer.
“Yes of course, dear.” she clicked the switch and watched mesmerized as steam escaped spiraling up and vaporizing as it hit the ceiling.
She looked through the lounge doorway, “Cup of tea dear?” as usual he was surrounded by leaves of notepaper. “How was the?”
“Don’t ask.”
She balanced the teacup on the edge of the coffee table. He let out a grunt, as if he was a wounded forest creature, its paw trapped by a poacher’s snare.
She returned to the kitchen. as she pressed the save button and flipped the lid of her computer, she slowly let out a deep breath. Then, obediently began to chop the vegetables.
It had been a beautiful Saturday in Northern MN. Sunshine, time at the lake filled with swimming, and kayaking and paddleboarding. The day concluded with a gorgeous sunset, the sun was reflected in the smooth lake water; like a mirror reflection, right up until the sun disappeared behind the tall pines. I had felt happy and content all day. Peace and quiet were my companions that evening. I decided to go to bed early, which is not unusual for me when I have had such a full day. I was burrowing into bed and both my dogs jockeying for position, one at the head of my bed and one at the foot. My eyes were heavy and my breathing even, almost surrendering to sleep. I can’t recall what happened next, did the dogs bolting off the bed wake me or did the screaming, screeching sound arouse me, The order is insignificant because I was wide awake and terrified.
“Hey Ronny! Ronny, I’m here!”? shouted Jason from his table, waving like he would have 15 years ago when they sat in math class together with Ron’s future wife Andrea. Ronny was on his phone on a business call and gave Jason a brief I-see-you glance, ended his call and joined Jason. “Hi Jason, by the way it’s Ron now”. Jason remembered why he stopped hanging out with Ronny, but wanted to get the upper hand this time.
“Gotcha Ron, guess that’s what happens when you marry into money, Andrea decides things now”. The jab rolled off Ron’s back, his cool demeanor let nothing through. Jason followed with “hey you’re buying, you’re in the money, mine is earned with sweat”. Ron nodded respectfully, “No problem friend”, while glancing again at his phone now ringing with the caller id “Vice-president”. Jason had enough, reached over and flipped Ron’s phone over so he couldn’t view the screen. Ron looked up and smiled just as the waitress arrived to take his order first. With his business attire and leather shoes, he commanded respect from everyone but Jason, who was outfitted in warehouse denims and steel toe boots.
Jason interrupted the waitress who was still looking into Ron’s eyes, calling out his own order, “give me a steak sandwich and a beer”. Ron followed with, “chicken salad sandwich with a chai tea, and can you make it with your own hands?”, getting the waitress to smile.
