Lesson 2- Never Again

She was running late, she knew she should have tried on her outfit she intended to wear to lunch, yesterday. She wished she had bought something new, but she had promised her husband she wouldn’t spend any more money on clothes for the rest of the year. At least Julia had never seen this outfit on her before, it had been way too many years since they had got together. The restaurant was coming up on the left-hand side, she hoped that there would be an easy pull in spot, she hated parallel parking, her car was so big and hard to maneuver into tight spots. She wished they could get a new car, one that parallel parked on its own, that wasn’t in the budget either. As she neared the restaurant, she began to feel anxious, she hadn’t seen Julia in years, what would she look like, what was she doing with her time now that the kids were out of the house? She would find out soon enough.
She entered the brightly colored lunch spot that Julia had recommended, she had never been here before. It was very chic looking, and she felt a little out of place. She saw Julia waving her over, she noticed Julia had put on some weight over the years, and she had stopped coloring her hair, it made her look older. They exchanged hugs and greetings while they found their places at the table. Both appeared generally pleased to see each other, I was first to begin the interrogation, “So tell me what you have been up to, it’s been so long”. Julia smiled and stated she was retired, had been for a year, her husband had retired just a few months ago. I was so envious internally but on the outside, I cringed, “you must get bored with each other”. “I don’t think I will ever retire, I get so much satisfaction out of working, what do you do with all your spare time?” I inquired. Julia went on to list her different volunteer activities. I was impressed but didn’t want her to think I would rather volunteer than work, “all that must give you the purpose you miss from not working, I’m sure it helps keep your mind stimulate too”.
I had been avoiding and dreading the topic of children and grandchildren but of course, Julia brought it up. She said they had 4 grandkids all from their oldest daughter, the other 2 kids were married but hadn’t given them any grandkids yet but she expected they would all want big families. I couldn’t believe it, how was I going to spin it to make my 2 unmarried kids look good, I smiled and asked to see photos to stall so I could come up with something to say to not make my kids appear like losers. I regretted agreeing to this lunch, it wasn’t fun, it was torture. She asked again if I had any grandkids, I reluctantly said not yet, my kids were so busy with their jobs and traveling and loving life they hadn’t slowed down enough to think about marriage or family. There wasn’t a complete lie, but I did exaggerate a bit. Both of my beloved offspring were back living at home and working dead end jobs and not dating. I couldn’t let her feel smug over me,” Julia that must be exhausting for you, I really wouldn’t even have time to be a grandma, with work and our social events and traveling, it’s difficult to see our kids let alone take on being Grandparents. I just don’t feel I am old enough for that role, but good for you”.
I didn’t think lunch could get any worse, but it did. Julia and her husband had sold their big suburbia home and where now “living their dream” at their lake home. I hoped my jealousy was not evident on my face, I couldn’t believe it, they were so fortunate. “I could never leave our house, it’s home, it’s where we raised our kids, there are so many memories, I just would never” I lied.
I finished my salad and waiting until Julia finished her sandwich, I really thought she would be counting carbs looking like she did. We split the check and I noticed she had a Louis Vuitton wallet; those are expensive. I felt like I had to say something, I commented on it and replied that I avoid designer bags, I like to buy second hand, it’s more sustainable. I felt like I won that round.
We walked together to the door, we hugged again, we both agreed it had been too long since we had seen each other, I smiled and nodded my head in agreement. I felt obligated to say it, “Let’s do this again really soon”. It was her turn to smile and nod in agreement. I turned and headed towards my car and thought, “Never Again”.