Happy Birthday, Paul

The park felt good to Paul, basking on a bench beneath the shade of a large oak, thin beams of the suns light specking the grass and concrete walkway. He took a deep breath savoring crisp clean air and sighed. It had been a long time since he felt so relaxed, a sense of purpose that had disappeared some time ago after his breakup from Pam.
Pam…
Somehow, he still felt things could have been better, things might have been different if she had not been so…so…hard on him.
He could still see her, feel her warm delicate hands clasped tight in his; eyes bright as a beacon that shone whenever he looked at her, blue and full of passion.
No, it had to end, he couldn’t take the mind-games she would play, tension and finally a furious disagreement that drove him away.
That was several years past six to be exact, and still Paul did not resume his dating life. Oh, there were a few other women but none like Pam; the woman who hurt him deeply, who left a cold dark void in his heart.
Paul found himself leaning back arms spread wide along the top of the bench with eyes closed. He wouldn’t drift back into that dark place again. She was gone, gone and he was—
“Paul?” called a voice. It sounded familiar, so familiar that his stomach tightened. His eyes opened slowly and then turned to see who it was who called him. A sharp gasp brought him straight up.
It was Pam.
Paul sat speechless staring at Pam. She had not changed much, still the petite attractive woman who had been such a part of his life. She looked great, dressed in a simple white blouse and bright blue skirt, black rounded flats on her small feet. A complete vision of beauty, and a sight drawing painful memories back to mind.
Her doleful eyes stared back and him and he relaxed, finding his breath once again.
“Pam,” he said levelly.
A slight smirk formed, Pam looking confused. It appeared she too was feeling some pain but something else was written in her eyes. She took a short glance past the bench then sat down.
“So, how have you been?” she asked.
“I was doing fine…then,” replied Paul.
His coolness irked Pam, but she remained rooted on the bench almost as if she was daring him to leave as he would when they were at odds.
Her head shook lightly. “Still Paul,” she continued looking him over behind a hard gaze.
“Yep, I’m still me. Paul the Great.”
She let out a short derisive huff. “The Great, eh? No change, all about you still, is it?”
“What did you come here to start another argument?” snapped Paul, shifting to face her.
“No—” she paused again cutting her eyes briefly at something just past them before continuing, “I was out waling and really didn’t expect you to be here.”
“It’s a free park, remember?”
“Oh, I remember.”
Paul felt a tinge of anger rush to his face. Here she was again, deriding me. Making me feel like dirt. Well, I’m not going to stand for that again.
“I suppose you remember too how your actions broke us up, hm?”
Pam started looking shocked at him. Here eyes blinked rapidly before she suddenly began to laugh, head tipping back up towards the sky.
It irked Paul. “Stop that,” he said.
She did, facing him. “You really think it was me that blew up our relationship, Paul?”
“You can’t say otherwise, Pam!”
Pam’s lips pursed tight. She gripped at the hem of her dress, taking a few more glances over his shoulder.
“It was always about you, Paul,” she said, “Always you, always Paul and his wants, always…Paul.”
“That’s not true!” shouted Paul. He flinched ducking his head looking around at the people milling about. He leaned closer to Pam, “I was always for you, Pam. Everything I did. Our apartment, our life—”
“Your life, your rules, your way. Never did you really take notice of me, Paul.”
Sadness filled her eyes, and she hung her head fighting back tears that wanted to gush forth. Paul hoped Pam did not start crying and cause a scene. He really did not want to have to endure the questioning gazes of onlookers, or worse some Joe got-a-be trying to play hero.
“I’ve always noticed you, Pam. I loved you.”
“Really?”
She cut her gaze away again and Paul frowned. “What are you looking at?” he asked turning.
There was a small play area where a group of toddlers were running about climbing over jungle gyms, swinging or sliding all under the close eyes of several park monitors.
“We did love each other,” continued Pam drawing him back, “but it became apparent that you only regarded me as some trophy to be there to cook, clean and please the ‘Great Paul’.”
“That’s not true, Pam. You were the one who started to change.”
“See, you didn’t even notice me then. You didn’t even wonder or ask how I was doing…feeling.”
He shrugged. “I thought it was a woman thing; you know? I just felt you didn’t want to be with me and well felt it best to break it off.”
Pam started incredulously at him. She rolled her eyes and slid closer to him. “All about you. Never a question about me. What I felt.” She shook her head. “Nope, Paul above all…I hurt your feelings? More like your ego.”
“Hey,” he snapped, but she cut him off.
“What was it about, our last argument?”
He couldn’t forget that, and Paul stiffened as his mind recalled the event. “You forgot to get me a birthday present,” he finally replied.
A knowing smile curled across Pam’s face and at that moment Paul began to realize what she was saying. More thoughts came to mind, days locked in digital combat with his buds online, how he got angry when she asked him to take her out disrupting whatever he was doing, something he felt was more important. Even their moments of intimacy, his way always, no room for discussion.
“Well,” he began then sighed, “I guess I could have been more sensitive to you.”
The steady gaze from her made Paul feel uncomfortable. He shifted, turning back around and stared out across the park. “You still didn’t get me a birthday present,” he muttered low.
The press of her body against his felt good much to Paul’s surprise. Feeling more like a heel than ‘Paul the Great’, he was not ready to admit the shortcomings.
“You’re wrong about that, Paul,” she whispered close to an ear.
Now why would she say something like that, he wondered.
Pam drew up on her knees and called out towards the children in the playground. A five-year-old girl hustled out from amidst the children. She had a bright smile on her face as she trundled across the lawn coming around to climb up into Pam’s lap. The child giggled as her mother hugged her tight, planting a kiss on top of her small forehead.
Slowly, Paul’s eyes went wide then Pam and the child stared at him.
“Happy Birthday, Paul,” said Pam.