I was warned by my son Hugo that Charlotte liked to make an entrance so I braced myself.
And indeed when the doorbell rang, there was no polite 30 second waiting for it to be answered but an almost harried and constant ringing, almost demanding to be admitted to my house.
I felt no need to march to the beat of this 20 something girlfriend, so took my usual time and opened the door and made sure I had a pleasant, welcoming smiled to greet her. Charlotte, as promised, was immaculately groomed and looked as though she had had her hair and make up done by a professional and was Instagram ready. She was very blonde and tanned, and had incredibly long eyelashes, although whether any was natural was up for debate in the dim front door light.
I was almost overwhelmed by whatever fragrance she was wearing, something I was not familiar with, but it was clear that she liked to be seen and smelled immediately.
She clearly wanted to signal that her clothes were expensive and I counted at least 4 separate designer labels on her clothes and bag, not including her shoes. Perhaps the most noteworthy aspect of Charlotte’s clothes was how well designed they were to show off as much flesh as possible, without resembling an Only Fans account.
Hugo was right in his prior forewarning assessment to me when he had said she was high maintenance.
Hugo was by her side, beaming with both pride and a tinge of nerves, peering to see if he could gauge my initial response.
“Hi Charlotte, lovely to meet you please come in. Darling how are you? (directed at Hugo).”
Charlotte looked me up and down and in a nanosecond I had clearly not passed muster.
“Hi Ms Worthington” in a loud voice, with a rising inflection at the end of the word as though she were asking a question, which was like nails down a chalk board to my ears and I flinched, “can I call you Sally? Great to finally meet you Sally” without waiting for any confirmation that we were on a first name basis.
“Of course, Charlotte, come in, let’s grab something to drink before dinner”. But Charlotte had already begun to make her way past me into the hallway before I invited her in which seemed to be rather impolite for a first meeting and I the “liking to make an entrance” seemed rather more akin to “likes to barge in”.
It was not a promising start for Hugo’s first serious girlfriend in his 20s.
Joined by my partner John, who was in charge of dinner, the 4 of us sat to have some pre dinner drinks, when Charlotte seized control of a momentary lapse in conversation to launch into a description of her career as a social media influencer.
“A what?” said John.
“Oh I get paid to promote products on social media – like, I have a massive following. On Insta, Tik Tok – they are the best paying ones. I also get, like, free holidays and stuff and Hugo and I are going to the Maldives so we can promote it on Insta”, she shot Hugo a huge grin who looked thrilled at the prospect of spending time on beaches of the Maldives with his girlfriend who looked as though she would always be perennially waxed beach ready. “Like, I am off Facebook because it is nowhere near as Facebook since it got taken over by Boomers” then emitted a sound of what sounded like disgust.
“But we are on Facebook” John protested. “Exactly – you aren’t my demo” Charlotte shot back.
“I’m sorry, your demographic?” I asked in what I thought was a neutral tone.
It had slowly dawned on Hugo that his parents may have started to take a dislike to his girlfriend, who 30 minutes before he had been so proud of and he quickly tried to change the subject.
“Mum, did I tell you that I am going to apply for that job at KPMG?”
“Yawn” said Charlotte, still with rising inflection. “Babe, why don’t you get out of tax and do something more interesting. All those numbers. BO-RING”. Still with the rising inflection.
I opened my mouth to say something about how many years it took to become a certified accountant and university degrees, but looked at Hugo who just shook his head sadly at me and looked at John and could tell he was thinking the same as me.
We were in for a long night. Cyclone Charlotte would wreak destruction on the evening and possibly her relationship with Hugo.