“One will always remain weaker than his opponent unless he is not afraid to face his own demons.”
If only it were that easy, grandfather.
Why did the weapon stash have to be hidden in the basement?
Why didn’t he store them in the attic, or shed, or anywhere really?
If Delia were here, I’d have her retrieve a nunchaku to replace the one I’d so foolishly broken this morning.
Delia, fortunate, Delia.
She had been too young—far too young—to witness our parents being so cold-bloodedly drawn through by that bastard’s katana.
I’d recognise it anywhere. The immaculately crimson-polished blade, the thin, gold-edged tsuba etched with serpents—as venomous, as deadly—as its master’s stroke. The black-red lacquered saya, its colour so deep it appeared wet in the dim light of the basement.
The crimson and black sageo my father managed to cut off that murderer’s saya, just moments before he—
I clenched my teeth.
—fell.
I looked down at my fisted left hand. That same reminder has been entwined in my palm ever since I can remember.
Damn you.
I will not take it off until the moment I take you down.
Teeth clenched, blanched palms shaking, I descended the dreaded place I had been avoiding for seventeen years.
I will find you.
And you will pay for what you’ve taken from us.
If it’s the last thing I do.
Notes: I focused on the memory rather than the reason why she was forced to go to the very place she’d avoided for years.
Katana: Japanese Samurai Sword
Tsuba: circular hand guard between the blade and the hilt
Saya: the sheath
Sageo: long silk cord tied to the sheath – used to secure and/or carry it
I’m speechless. Beautiful—both painful and tender. I felt your character’s pain in every line. This is my favorite piece from you so far.
Thank you!! Took me way too long to read and complete the assignment for this lesson, but when I read the email, I suddenly realised that I had yet another story idea that had been brewing in my mind for a veeeeeeeery long time, and so I improvised (and ended up outlining it briefly after I submitted this assignment!!!)
Nice build up of tension and creating interest. One suggestion – you use clenched teeth twice in this piece. The first time in relation to your father falling I think?? Could this be a different physical response here – eg: I swallow hard… or the memory catching me in my throat.
Teeth clench fits the second time because it suggests determination in face of fear. The first one perhaps could be an emotional response to the memory. Hope this is helpful.
Kerry
True, though at that point I would have preferred to leave the first one. I, at least, clench my teeth involuntarily at the pain of a memory. I would have fixed the second-perhaps a deep breath. Then again, if I were to edit this I am sure I would fix a couple more things with it haha.