Character A: Nancy
My husband can be such a moron sometimes.
“Excuse us, Liza,” I said to the brunette, her cleavage displayed rather generously in front of Ted’s face. “I need to borrow my husband for a moment. I want him to meet my boss’s family,” I said, grabbing Ted by the arm and leading him across the patio.
“Nancy, what are you doing?” Ted asked, his feet shuffling. “I already know your boss’s family. They are boriiiiing. With a capital B.” His eyes wandered back in Liza’s direction.
“Look at her again, and you’ll be sleeping in the chicken coop for a week.”
He stopped, feet planted. “We don’t have a chicken coop. You’re acting like a jealous wife.”
I whispered in his ear, “Newsflash. I am your wife, and that woman has been flirting with you all night. She was ready to start twerking on you.”
“She was? Wow. Lucky me,” he replied, a grin stretching across his face.
I grabbed his tie and pulled him close. “If you’re trying to be funny, you’re failing. Stay away from that woman. She doesn’t know how to behave in polite society, so you need to be the adult here.”
He feigned a tantrum, stomping his feet. “Being an adult is no fun, Mom.”
I released him and turned away. “It’ll be even less fun when the chickens are nesting on your nose.”
Character B: Liza
You know the old saying about looks that could kill? If that were true, I’d be staring at the lid of my coffin right now, with a wreath of red roses around it bearing a ribbon that read, “Rest in Peace, Liza.” And Nancy? She’d be in jail.
Ted, bless his heart, is one of a kind—the kind that should never be duplicated. But his wife, Nancy? Goodness. As if I’d be interested in Ted romantically. For starters, I don’t entertain the thought of married men, and secondly, he’s so not my type.
“Oh, look, Ted,” I pointed out, “Here comes Nancy.” He glanced in her direction, a hint of dread in his eyes.
“She’s got that snarl on,” he remarked. “Every time I talk to another woman, she goes a bit mad.” Really? As if I hadn’t noticed during the last five company events that ended with some Nancy-induced drama.
“I see. Isn’t that difficult to deal with?” I turned slightly, positioning myself to be ready just in case.
“It’s both tiring and embarrassing,” he admitted. “But I think it’s because she loves me so much.”
I had serious doubts that love was the primary emotion at play here. Nancy’s behavior screamed control and insecurity more than love. But if Ted was content living that way, more power to him.