Lesson 26: Lies and self-delusion

“Jackson, come down this instance! Jackson, Melody? Where the hell are the both of you?” I heard myself shouting but nobody reply back to me. I stomped my feet up his room, kicked it opened and expected him to yell back at me. Nobody was there. None, except me. I knew at the back of my head that he is gone. And I am alone. The reality hit me like a sledgehammer. I am at fault, I am no longer sharp as before. Then I remembered that I pulled the trigger at it. The deranged beast that mauled him to death while he screamed. Jackson, my son. Then the police came. Always the last two come. Melody left me with tears that washed away her mascara, blaming me for not taking care of our child and left. I froze and took all in. The rain on my head, her screaming and yelling, the corpse who was our son. She was unable to be consoled. Jackson, our son laid on the ground, dead. The bear, dead. The owner tried to fight me but I was too numb to care. So I shot his dick before he shot me by instinct and the police came in a few minutes. So he dropped his rifle at gunpoint which missed me by an inch. He flinched in agony. I dodged instinctively again. They arrested him and the CCTV camera showed my innocent almost immediately. From the chaos, I felt cold, lost and dead. Something like the training that numbed the pain. Everything went blurry in a series of event.

So I reached my home, I slept on the floor and I blacked out.

And …and this…I am after all, always alone. Single again. Perhaps… perhaps I am…best alone that way. Safe by my own. Skilled. I belong to the monsters and creatures in the woods…always have…always will be…the woods…they are familiar… friendly…home… better than the urban city…always quiet… always…always alone.